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How to Transform Yourself Into ‘Mrs. Right’

18 February 2010 1,462 views No Comment

As a sister raised in the western world, it is not uncommon to see how many of us are not married by a certain age, as it is required of most of us. In addition there are reverts whom after conversion are immediately counseled to marry, and regardless have trouble finding a spouse. The statistics of the amount of single Muslimah’s is steadily rising, surprisingly not only in the Western countries, but in the Arab countries as well. This is an issue which the Ummah I personally believe should address and insha’Allah they will. However, in the meantime many sisters panic; some opt to marry the first brother they meet, when this is not going to resolve the issue in its entirety. The problem is not just getting married; it is finding the right spouse, since years or even months later the marriage can lead to divorce.

Unfortunately, such stories are not uncommon.  Divorce is on the rise in the Muslim community, especially in the West. According to a study conducted by Dr. Ilyas Ba-Yunus, a sociology professor at State University of New York, the overall divorce rate among Muslims in North America is at an astounding 31%. The state of California ranks highest with a 37% rate of divorce and New York, Ontario, and Texas follow closely with a 30% rate. Compared to the overall rate of divorce in the U.S. (49%) and Canada (45%), the increasing rate of divorce among Muslims is cause for alarm.

Drs. Mohamed Rida and Ekram Beshir, co-authors of the books Blissful Marriage: A Practical Islamic Guide and Meeting the Challenge of Parenting in the West: An Islamic Perspective point to several reasons for divorce. Among them are non-compatibility between spouses due to differences in background, and mistakenly judging the marriage by the first years, which are the toughest and most critical. Overall, the Beshirs attribute carelessness as the most critical mistake in marriages today.”  Shaikh Yassir Fazaga, religious director and certified counselor at the Orange County Islamic Foundation in Mission Viejo has advised numerous couples with marital troubles. From his experience, Fazaga mentioned three recurring reasons for divorce: couples who are right for one another, but love and treat each other the wrong way; couples who are not right for each other, which could have been prevented if they had asked enough questions prior to the marriage; and people who are too impatient to work on the problem.

Therefore, one recommendation I can make to the Sisters as a single Muslima myself is how to become Mrs. Right since by doing so not only does your deen become stronger but eventually you will find the brother whom will have the same qualities as you do, and once you marry you can be sure that insha’Allah this will be a successful marriage.  We as sisters need to find a brother who fears Allah and follows the Sunnah. If you fear Allah, then you do all you can to grow closer to him so you can be one of those he keeps close and loves. You need to marry someone who you can live a life with, sharing, you want to look after that person and want to grow in Islam together.

Not only does that person need to deserve you, but you want to deserve them. What can you offer them? For this underlying reason I am going to provide a few ideas as to how to in the meantime while you are waiting for Mr. Right, transform yourself into Mrs. Right. Since, according to ‘The Ideal Muslimah’ by Muhammad Ali Al-Hashimi:

  • Prayer: The true Muslim woman tries hard to perform her prayers properly, with deep concentration and precision of physical movements, she thinks about the ayat (verses) she is reciting and the words of praise and glorification that she is uttering. Her soul fears Allah.
  • She accepts the will and decree of Allah: The Muslim woman is convinced that whatever befalls her in life could not have been avoided, and whatever does not befall her could not have been made to happen. The Prophet (pbuh) said “How amazing is the affair of the Muslim! His affairs are all good. If he experiences ease, he is grateful, and that is good for him. If he experiences hardship, he faces it with patience and perseverance, and that is also good for him.”
  • She keeps company with righteous people: The Muslims woman chooses righteous, Allah fearing friends, who will be true friends and offer sincere advice, and will not betray her in word or deed. “Do not ask about a man: ask about his friends, for every friend follows his friends.”
  • Recognition of the parent’s status and the duties towards them: A Muslim woman’s respect and kindness towards her parents are ongoing and will remain an important part of her behavior until the end of her life, in accordance with the Qur’aanic teaching which has enjoined kind treatment of parents for life.
  • Strives for people’s benefit: Goodness includes any good deed that is done for the sake of Allah, and any good deed that is done for the sake of Allah.
  • Follows Islamic Manners: Righteous manners should be remembered when eating, greeting other sisters in Islam, being respectful of others while in a gathering, not trying to imitate a man, being wise and eloquent in her da’wah (preaching), striving to reconcile between Muslim women, visiting the sick, not bearing grudges, avoids suspicion, and keeping her promises.

I pray for the sake of Allah (Subhana wa Ta’ala) that you benefit from this information. May Allah (Subhana wa Ta’ala) give us the strength to overcome whatever obstacles come in our way and may He increase us in knowledge. Anything true that I have said is by the mercy of Allah (Subhana wa Ta’ala); anything wrong I have said is from my own error. May Allah (Subhana wa Ta’ala) forgive our wrongdoings and guide us closer to the straight path. Ameen.

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