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Divorced People: Why Love is Blind

18 February 2010 1,496 views No Comment

By Abdur-Rehman

A single-page article cannot address the issue of divorced people or those who have lost their loved ones after they got married. A single page paper cannot truly analyze the reason of why love is really blind in some cases which end up in marriage. But what I would like to do is just give my reflections of why things such as divorces happen and also why certain people who are not meant for each other do end up getting married. In some cases, you find them staying together till the end of their lives for the sake of divorce being seen as a curse or taboo. In other cases, it may be for the sake of the kids. But I would like to focus on those who do get divorced or always think about divorce once they realize the person they married was not who they thought they were before marriage.

I will start off with the most obvious reason for why a marriage does not work out for two people. This is a reason that I know of from several cases that have been available in my person life and from stories from my family. That reason is that certain people do not do enough research on their spouse before marriage and just get married because his family is good or their parents want a nice arranged marriage for them. Honestly, a girl who does not research her spouse well to the point of actually getting to know his flaws such as if he has girlfriends or still ongoing past relations has no one to blame but herself. Stupidity is something that we should never ever fall into even if we find a “supposed” good guy. In this specific point, I just want to say that any guy can say good words to make a girl happy. So just because a brother is nice to a sister, it doesn’t remove her obligation of searching who he actually is.

A second reason for why divorces happen, and this is the primary one I want to focus on, is unlawful interactions of potential spouses before marriage. I don’t say that I speak from experience but I know of plenty of people who “clicked” and they had absolutely nothing in common. They clicked because of emotions and dreams and tall tales that they told each other just for the “sake of marriage.” I would just like to say that I know guys and girls, personally that can say the biggest lies to you just because they know you want to marry them or because they want to marry you. And we have to realize that part of the reason why these unlawful types of interactions “click” before marriage is because Shaytaan is always the third person. Even if the parents agree to the interaction between the brother and sister, many people see this as a free license to send love letters and other inappropriate things to each other before marriage.

A third reason for people to end up in divorce after marriage is because of many unrealistic compromises that the Muslims make. You will have a brother not worrying about the sister’s Deen for the sake of marriage or the sister not worrying about the brother’s weird mother in-law for the same sake. They know that these problems will come back to them later but they never really give these problems their due right. I am not saying that we take every problem as a big issue but sometimes in the pursuit of marriage, we blind ourselves to things that will become huge issues after marriage. A couple of other examples are huge age differences and also marrying a sister who is making more money than the brother. These things are not black and white in that you should or should not go for them. But they are issues that should be weighed heavily in the pursuit of marriage.

I want to end off by saying that we must realize as Shaikh Waleed said, in words to the divorced. You can be one of two types of divorcees. One is who goes to the next person after a divorce and always has the divorce door open in case things get even a bit uncomfortable. Another can be the divorcee who has an open mind and can live with the next person in their life and forget about their first divorce. For my dear divorcees, please don’t be pessimistic and be of the first category. The next person in your life, after a divorce, deserves an open heart and we should try not to let our past divorce affect our new future.

And I also want to say that real love comes after marriage; not before. Any emotions or affections we have for someone we are not married to can not be considered real until they exist after marriage. Love is blind and leads to divorce when we let the actions before marriage get into the unlawful area. This leads to people thinking they are meant for someone when they are not. Our hearts are precious and our spouses do deserve our hearts; but only after marriage and never before.

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